The tales of Witchers being emotionless killing machines are over-exaggerated… probably in part by Witchers themselves. After slaying monsters for a few decades one probably gets tired of hearing peasants sob about not being able to pay you, and spreading the rumor that you don’t have human emotions might just spare you the bother. Point is, Geralt isn’t an ideal choice for a thespian, but when it comes to rescuing his friends he can prove to be rather adaptable. This page will provide a walkthrough for the main quest The Play’s the Thing in The Witcher 3, including what choices to pick in order to get the best outcome.

Quest Objectives¶

Starting The Play’s the Thing¶

The quest The Play’s the Thing will begin after you complete both Get Junior and Count Reuven’s Treasure, two of Novigrad longer main quests, and once you’ve completed said quests and gained intel on Dudu and Dandelion you’ll be able to formulate a plan to lure out the former and rescue the latter. The combat in this quest is very light and the EXP and money rewards are great, so if you’re on the fence about this one, don’t be - it’s a great way to get stronger at very little risk. That said, much depends on the choices you make, and while you can’t fail the quest, you can make things harder on yourself and reduce the rewards you’ll earn.

Choice: Drama or Comedy?¶

Head over to The Kingfisher and talk to Priscilla in her private room, where Geralt will divulge what he knows and Priscilla will have an idea for how to lure out Dudu. This collaboration is well outside of Geralt’s field of expertise, but fortunately for everybody involved Priscilla has no interest in having an equal partner in this endeavor - especially one whose contributions are as dubious as Geralt’s. While Priscilla ends up doing most of the work you do get some dialog options, one of which has some meaningful impact on the upcoming quest.

At some point Priscilla will ask whether you want her to write a drama or a comedy. If you opt for a drama Priscilla’s play will provoke a fight when it ends, while if you opt for a comedy violence will be averted. You’ll get a bit of extra EXP and loot for defeating the troublemakers, but no more than you’d get for killing any common bandits or thugs around Novigrad. All in all this decision doesn’t matter too much, although for pure roleplay purposes, the vibes of putting on a successful play are arguably better if you don’t have to butcher some rabble-rousing racists at the end of the play.

Every other dialog option made with Priscilla here doesn’t matter, including the name of the play itself. All this determines is the name of the script she’ll give you, which possesses the lines for the role of the “Witcher” character. This will come up again later.

Talk to Irina¶

Now that you have a play written up you need to find somebody who can actually put it into production. Just southeast of Hierarch Square you’ll find where Madame Irina’s mummer’s troupe performs, you just need to get past one exploitative Ticket Seller who demands 50 Crowns to enter, despite the fact that no play is being performed at the moment. You can go through a good bit of effort to avoid this fee by working your way around to the southern edge of this complex (you’ll need to circle around to the canal, past the house where you met the oneiromancer during Novigrad Dreaming and follow the canal west until you find some stairs leading up to a shrine), jumping onto a roof and then from a roof jump over the wall. Get inside one way or another, then find Madame Irina standing around outside and she will at length agree to put on the play, giving Geralt two errands to run while the adults prepare: you need to hire some ushers, and optionally get hire some street performers - the Puffins - to promote the play.

Hire Ushers¶

Of the two objectives, hiring ushers is the only mandatory one. To do this, head to the western edge of the docks district (Novigrad’s southernmost island) where you’ll find Sofus the Bull overseeing his brother’s fistfight. Talk to Sofus the Bull; and you’ll get two options for obtaining their services: just pay them 70 Crowns or wager double that amount on the outcome of a two-on-one fistfight between you and them. If you win, you get your money back, if you lose, you pay double.

This is one of the rare opportunities for combat during this quest, and it’s optional - you pay and you’ll earn 7 EXP for burning some coin and you’ll be done with this objective. If you choose to fight, however, you’ll find that the Metinnan brutes aren’t exactly the most dangerous of pugilists. Being decidedly amateurish in their approach you shouldn’t expect them to counter your attack or to pull any fast, deceptive punches - if you know how to parry and counter they shouldn’t be any trouble… at least on their own. The whole two-on-one thing makes the fight tougher, as you’ll have to pick your spots better to avoid them from interrupting you, try to create some separation, and focus on bringing one down. You’ve plenty of room to maneuver, so it’s still not a hard fight even while outnumbered, you just need to be patient and careful.

Whether you use your fists or coin, get the burly sailors on your side, then either report back to Irina or see about hiring the Puffins.

Recruit the Puffins¶

Hiring the Puffins is an optional objective and features the only unavoidable battle - as small as it is - in this entire quest. Still, we highly recommend completing it because the it’s trivially easy, you get a good chunk of EXP for your effort and you’ll earn more money from the play itself, possibly defraying the cost you spent meeting Irina and hiring the ushers, or fattening your coin purse if you managed to avoid spending thus far.

You’ll find the Puffins in a building northeast of Hierarch Square, and when you enter it’s clear the mood is unsuitably melancholic. Turns out the Puffins are being harassed by a gang in retaliation for lampooning the Hierarch, and until they’re relieved of their woes the Puffins will play no more. Fortunately Geralt is quite adept at convincing ne’er-do-wells to see reason, so leave the house and head down some stairs to the east to find the thugs who have been pestering the Puffins in the midst of beating up another unfortunate. Talk to them and you’ll get three options: Sternly tell them “Go away. Now.”, pay them 50 Crowns, or use Axii. Each option leads to a fight, oddly enough, but you only have to put down one Bandit (Lv11) and the rest will see reason. It should go without saying that Axii is the best option here - it doesn’t lead to a different outcome, but you will get a nice chunk of EXP for using it.

Defeat one of the Bandits and the rest will run off, and the Puffins will arrive on the scene to thank you profusely, promising to pander for the play pro-bono, earning you 150 EXP in the process. Not a bad reward for smacking one weakling Bandit a few times, plus whatever you earned if you used Axii. You’ll also earn an additional 25 EXP and 30 Crowns at the end of the quest for hiring the Puffins, representing the increased attention and earnings made by the play.

Choose the Cast Members¶

Recruit some ushers and, ideally, the Puffins, then return to Irina and she’ll mention some casting choices that need to be made. Geralt, of course, is going to find himself roped into playing the Witcher, but you still need to determine who are playing the prince and princess. Each role has two options and one is always clearly better than the other - the outcome of the quest itself isn’t affected, but you’ll get more EXP and Crowns at the end if you make the right choices.

Choice: Who Will Play the Princess¶

The least of these two choices, Irina makes two solid proposals: Irina herself can play the princess, or Priscilla can. Irina’s own inclusion suggest a tinge of vanity, as her better years are past her and the crowd does indeed prefer a younger, prettier actress, but she’s not completely blowing smoke, as her own acting chops do get the job done well enough. You’ll earn 25 EXP either way, but casting Irina will only earn you 10 Crowns, while Priscilla brings in 20 Crowns.

Choice: Who Will Play the Prince¶

A far more important casting decision is the role of the Prince. Abelard is an uninspiring but reliable and competent actor, while Maxim can win the heart of the crowd… when he’s sober. Spoiler alert, he won’t be sober, and if you cast him he’ll drag down the play even worse than Geralt will. Picking Abelard will net you 110 EXP and 30 Crowns, while Maxim will get you nothing. Always cast Abelard.

Perform the Play¶

Once that’s all decided, make the call to start the play or demur by picking “Still need to learn my lines.” Your lines are on the script for the play that Priscilla wrote, a document which will either be titled A Changeling Rescued or The Doppler’s Salvation, depending on what you decided to name the play. Either way, the lines are the same, and you only need to pay attention to the first few words in each line, as that’s what will appear during the play. Essentially during the performance you’ll need to make five timed dialog choices, picking what matches the aforementioned script. The more correct choices you make, the better your reward will be at the end of the play.

Here are the timed dialog choices you need to make during the play for the best rewards:

• “To slay beasts most foul…”
• “Perhaps ’midst the guests…”
• “Seems men’s hearts…”
• “But a base heart…”
• “No monster is he…”

Your rewards at the end of the quest vary depending on how many of these lines you get correct:

Defeat the Rioters¶

At the end of the play there will be some unrest in the crowd. If you decided to produce a comedy, one of the man’s fellows will calm him down, but if you produced a drama the audience will take the play seriously enough to get offended at the idea that Dopplers aren’t inherently monstrous. In this case you’ll have to help the ushers fend off several Bandis (Lv10) and Outraged Townsmen (Lv9). Kill these rabble-rousers if you need to and afterwards you’ll earn 500 EXP for successfully putting on a play and luring Dudu out of hiding.

Aftermath of the Play¶

Following the play, enter a house behind the stage where you’ll chat with Dude and Zoltan, followed by Irina, the latter of which will run down the play’s performance. Following this conversation you’ll get the reward(s) you’re due, parceled in small chunks based on your actions. You’ll get EXP and Crowns depending on:

• Whether you hired the Puffins.
• Who you cast as the Prince and Princess.
• How many lines of dialog you chose correctly during the play.

If you didn’t hire the Puffins, cast Irina as the Princess and Maxim as the Prince, and missed all your lines you’ll get 75 EXP and a mere 10 Crowns, while if you hired the Puffins, cast Priscilla and Abelard, and nailed all your lines you’ll get 360 EXP and 130 Crowns, along with the 500 EXP for putting on the play, whatever the quality. However successful the play was, this quest will end and the followup main quest A Poet Under Pressure will begin.