It seems someones manhood as gone missing, and for some reason, Geralt, the dude who hunts magical creatures and monsters, is after something rather unexpected. Moreso, there’s some intrigue to this, and some options to take. So, Let’s take a look at the Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Granite walkthrough, featuring the best choices and rewards you can get.

Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Granite Walkthrough¶

You can start this quest by picking up the notice “Wanted: Discreet Specialist” from the Beauclair Notice Board, or you can simply find an Art Curator trying to calm down an agitated crowd between “The Gran Place” signpost and the “Metinna Gate” signpost. Either way, once you talk to the Art Curator you’ll get to witness him turn away the crowd, after which he snaps at you before realizing who he’s dealing with.

Inquire for more details and he’ll decide to show you the problem; apparently the statue of the heroically licentious Reginald d’Aubry had its testicles trimmed, its cock cut, its nuts nicked, its balls burgled, its penis purloined, its schlong stolen. While the act of vandalism is obviously troublesome enough to the art curator, the fact that the stroking the statue’s granite grapefruits granted great virility to paying customers adds extra incentive to find the nut-cutter.

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(1 of 2) Find a scrap of evidence near the crime scene,

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Find a scrap of evidence near the crime scene, (left), then follow a scent trail to the culprit’s house. (right)

Ask what questions you will, after which you’ll be left to search the area using your Witcher Senses. You can examine the statue, spot some blood on the ground near the statue (clumsy thief?), and even find the culprit’s saw in the corner to the northwest, near a planter. All good evidence, surely, but all you need to locate is a fragrant strip of fabric caught in a wooden lattice arch atop some stairs. Once you’ve examined this, keep your Witcher Senses up and follow a scent trail through Beauclair to reach a house to the northwest, near which the sounds of lusty frolic are unmistakable.

Copulation Interruption¶

No time for politeness when Reginald’s manhood is at stake! Burst in through the door to catch an elderly man and a younger woman in a compromised situation. Reply however you will until a fourth person shows up - the cuckolded husband of Hughes’ partner - at which point your reaction actually matters. Say “Not gonna repeat myself” and you’ll have to fist-fight the angry husband, while if you use the Axii sign he’ll leave without violence.

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(1 of 2) After confronting Hughes you’ll be interrupted by the cuckolded husband. Beat him up or use Axii to drive him off.

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After confronting Hughes you’ll be interrupted by the cuckolded husband. Beat him up or use Axii to drive him off. (left), Once the cuckold is gone you can either let Hughes keep the stones, take them from him, or loan them for a day. (right)

Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Granite: Best Choices?¶

Once the husband has been dealt with, one way or another, Hughes will come clean about his theft of the stone, and use the present situation to attest to their power. Thing is… well, Hughes is having himself quite a bit of fun, and doesn’t want to relinquish the… ahem… “stones” just yet. Not while he’s got such a fine opportunity to put them to use. That being the case, he’ll try to strike a deal with you.

If you let him keep the stones (respond with “Fine.”), Hughes will offer to pay you regularly to keep quiet, starting out with a bribe of 50 Crowns, promising more each week. The Art Curator isn’t happy about the tale Geralt tells him, however, and after a week passes when you go check on Hughes you’ll find out that… well, too much of a good thing can have dire consequences. The spirit is willing, but the body… This proves you possess the knightly virtue of Compassion, despite its consequences.

If you take the other extreme and respond with “Nope. Need to take ’em.” you’ll deprive Hughes of any future frolicking, but he got more than he otherwise would have, already. When you have Reginald’s stones in your possession, return to the Art Curator and he’ll reward you for your work. If you choose the third option (respond with “Willing to lend them to you.”) Geralt will allow Hughes to keep the stones another day, which undoubtedly makes Hughes very happy, but otherwise your reward is the same. Better still, if you return to stone to the Art Curator (allowing Hughes another day or not) you’ll prove you possess the knightly virtue of Honor.