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The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

Goodness, Gracious, Great Balls of Granite!

Nathan Garvin

It seems someones manhood as gone missing, and for some reason, Geralt, the dude who hunts magical creatures and monsters, is after something rather unexpected. Moreso, there’s some intrigue to this, and some options to take. So, Let’s take a look at the Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Granite walkthrough, featuring the best choices and rewards you can get.

Important Items in this Area
Reginald Figurine

Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Granite Walkthrough

You can start this quest by picking up the notice “Wanted: Discreet Specialist” from the Beauclair Notice Board, or you can simply find an Art Curator trying to calm down an agitated crowd between “The Gran Place” signpost and the “Metinna Gate” signpost. Either way, once you talk to the Art Curator you’ll get to witness him turn away the crowd, after which he snaps at you before realizing who he’s dealing with.

Inquire for more details and he’ll decide to show you the problem; apparently the statue of the heroically licentious Reginald d’Aubry had its testicles trimmed, its cock cut, its nuts nicked, its balls burgled, its penis purloined, its schlong stolen. While the act of vandalism is obviously troublesome enough to the art curator, the fact that the stroking the statue’s granite grapefruits granted great virility to paying customers adds extra incentive to find the nut-cutter.

(1 of 2) Find a scrap of evidence near the crime scene,

Find a scrap of evidence near the crime scene, (left), then follow a scent trail to the culprit’s house. (right)

Ask what questions you will, after which you’ll be left to search the area using your Witcher Senses. You can examine the statue, spot some blood on the ground near the statue (clumsy thief?), and even find the culprit’s saw in the corner to the northwest, near a planter. All good evidence, surely, but all you need to locate is a fragrant strip of fabric caught in a wooden lattice arch atop some stairs. Once you’ve examined this, keep your Witcher Senses up and follow a scent trail through Beauclair to reach a house to the northwest, near which the sounds of lusty frolic are unmistakable.

Copulation Interruption

No time for politeness when Reginald’s manhood is at stake! Burst in through the door to catch an elderly man and a younger woman in a compromised situation. Reply however you will until a fourth person shows up - the cuckolded husband of Hughes’ partner - at which point your reaction actually matters. Say “Not gonna repeat myself” and you’ll have to fist-fight the angry husband, while if you use the Axii sign he’ll leave without violence.

Reward: For using Axii on the cuckold husband
40 XP

(1 of 2) After confronting Hughes you’ll be interrupted by the cuckolded husband. Beat him up or use Axii to drive him off.

After confronting Hughes you’ll be interrupted by the cuckolded husband. Beat him up or use Axii to drive him off. (left), Once the cuckold is gone you can either let Hughes keep the stones, take them from him, or loan them for a day. (right)

Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Granite: Best Choices?

Once the husband has been dealt with, one way or another, Hughes will come clean about his theft of the stone, and use the present situation to attest to their power. Thing is… well, Hughes is having himself quite a bit of fun, and doesn’t want to relinquish the… ahem… “stones” just yet. Not while he’s got such a fine opportunity to put them to use. That being the case, he’ll try to strike a deal with you.

If you let him keep the stones (respond with “Fine.”), Hughes will offer to pay you regularly to keep quiet, starting out with a bribe of 50 Crowns, promising more each week. The Art Curator isn’t happy about the tale Geralt tells him, however, and after a week passes when you go check on Hughes you’ll find out that… well, too much of a good thing can have dire consequences. The spirit is willing, but the body… This proves you possess the knightly virtue of Compassion, despite its consequences.

Reward: For letting Hughes keep Reginald’s stones
XP / 50 Crowns

If you take the other extreme and respond with “Nope. Need to take ’em.” you’ll deprive Hughes of any future frolicking, but he got more than he otherwise would have, already. When you have Reginald’s stones in your possession, return to the Art Curator and he’ll reward you for your work. If you choose the third option (respond with “Willing to lend them to you.”) Geralt will allow Hughes to keep the stones another day, which undoubtedly makes Hughes very happy, but otherwise your reward is the same. Better still, if you return to stone to the Art Curator (allowing Hughes another day or not) you’ll prove you possess the knightly virtue of Honor.

Reward: For returning Reginald’s genitals to the Art Curator
XP / Reginald Figurine
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Guide Information
  • Publisher
    CD Projekt
  • Platforms,
    PC, PS4, Switch, XB One
  • Genre
  • Guide Release
    24 June 2015
  • Last Updated
    12 July 2024
    Version History
  • Guide Author
    Nathan Garvin (Haeravon)

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You are Geralt of Rivia, a professional monster-hunter known as a Witcher. You’ve fully regained your memories since your miraculous revival and escape from the Wild Hunt, and have cleared your name of the false accusations of regicide. In the wake of the assassination of Foltest, king of Temeria, the north have been rent by warfare as Nilfgaard launches its third major invasion, and the northlands have been united under the insane king Radovid. Overshadowing these petty politics is the mysterious return of Ciri - Geralt’s adopted daughter, who is now being pursued by the Wild Hunt.

The guide offers the following:

  • A full walkthrough that’s more than just a listing of quests-it’s an “ideal chronological order” that will get you through the whole game and allow you to see and do everything the game has to offer.

  • Side quests, including monster contracts and treasure hunts for obtaining powerful Witcher sets.

  • Descriptions of decisions, quests, and events that influence the various endings of the game.

  • Crafting and Alchemy information.

  • General strategies on how to take down foes large and small, monstrous and humanoid, boss or mundane.

  • Information on how to complete all the Gwent quests and obtain all the Gwent cards, including detailed Gwent strategies.

  • Trophy/Achievement information.

MASSIVE UPDATE: 7th September 2016 ongoing

  • Added DLC quests “Fool’s Gold” and “Scavenger Hunt: Wolf School Gear”.
  • Organisational changes in the Velen section of the walkthrough to reflect the increased level of Griffin School Gear.
  • Organisational changes throughout the walkthrough to provide a “no skulls” path through the game.
  • Added Death March difficulty tips and commentary throughout the guide.
  • More XP reward numbers included.
  • Walkthrough now includes additional information based on patch changes.
  • Various typo and grammar fixes.
  • Added DLC pages for Blood & Wine, Heart of Stone
  • Lots more quality of life improvements

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