Now it’s time for our northern trek… First, however, we’ve one quest to complete before we head off to the north, a little… let us say, incentive? You know, in case the massive amount of loot and Bobbleheads wasn’t incentive enough. Our destination is the Museum of History in the Mall. You can just fast travel there, but to make things interesting we’ll cover the Anacostia Crossing route north of Rivet City. Skip on ahead to Step #2 if you don’t care to explore your way there.

1) Anacostia Crossing

Book - Pugilism Illustrated

Ah, Anacostia, so close to Rivet City, yet until now unexplored. If you haven’t been attacked near here already, you’ll likely find some Talon Company Mercenaries or Regulators near Anacostia. And if you got James Hargrave to run away, he’ll be here with C.J.

Head down the tunnel until you come to large vaulted metro hub room, wherein many a Raider lurks. Head to the north to find a copy of Pugilism Illustrated on a table. Go down to the bottom level and head north, following the right-most tunnel as it turns east until you find a door leading to the Museum Station, which we should have cleared already. Note that Anacostia also connects to Seward Square, from its top level, an area deep inside D.C. From the Museum Station, head on to the Mall.

2) Museum of History

Book - Nikola Tesla and You

Head over to the Museum of History, in front of which you’ll find a Ghoul named Willow. She’ll tell you about Underworld. Wee. Once inside go search the ladies bathroom to find a copy of Nikola Tesla and You on the floor in one of the stalls. Why do the ladies rest rooms always have better things inside? It’s true, as somebody who has cleaned bathrooms before, the ladies always have nicer bathroom fixtures… even if their bathrooms are messier to clean up. And in Fallout 3, they get all the books! Ah, the things we do to survive through college… Head to the north to find The Underworld Concourse, past the mammoth and dinosaur remains.

3) The Underworld Concourse

As soon as you enter a Ghoul named Wintrhop will talk to you. He’ll offer to give you Stimpaks in exchange for five pieces of Scrap Metal. Think about it, Walter gives you ten Caps per Scrap Metal, compared to Winthrop’s offer. You could buy two Stimpaks by trading in five Scrap Metals to Walter, making that the best way to spend your Scrap Metal. He can also repair your items, but he has no real skill at it.

4) Paradise Lost

Book - Lying, Congressional Style (Paradise Lost)

Schematic - Railway Rifle

Over to the east you’ll find a store called Underworld Outfitters. Talk to Tulip, who will sell you a variety of things, including the Schematic - Railway Rifle . She’ll also give you some copies of Paradise Lost, which functions just like a copy of Lying Congressional Style . That’s right, Milton increases your Speech in Fallout 3. How’s that for posterity?

5) Underworld Residents

You can find Patchwork, the town drunk about, but he’s not really, uh, all put together. Then there’s Snowflake to the south who will offer to cut your hair. You can also find a Mister Handy named Cerberus, who is… uh… interesting… You can reprogram him to go hostile if you have Robotics Expert , but that doesn’t really make much sense, does it? Then there’s Quinn, who doesn’t have much interesting to say. When you want to continue on, head into The 9th Circle, which is up the stairs to the east.

6) The 9th Circle

NPC - Charon

Inside you’ll find Ahzrukhal, whom you can talk to about Charon. You can find out that Charon is brainwashed to serve whomever holds his contract. If you want Charon as an NPC, question Ahzrukhal about Charon’s contract. You can pay 2000 Caps for it, succeed at a Barter check and pay 1000 Caps, or work out a deal with Ahzrukhal. To get him Cap-free you’ll have to kill Greta over at Carol’s Place. You can of course, buy booze and drugs from Ahzrukhal as well. Ahzrukhal also has a terminal [Very Easy] you can hack and use to get access to his notes about people around town, and open his safe [Very Hard], which has a Stealth Boy and some Caps inside. Now head back to the Underworld Concourse and go west to Carol’s Place.

7) Carol’s Place

Talk to Carol. You can ask her about Gob, the Ghoul working for Moriarty over at Megaton, Greta, and the Underworld. As one of the surviving pre-war characters in the game, she actually has a story to tell about living through armageddon. You can also rent a room from her, if you have any inclination to do so. Talk to Greta, who will sell you food.

8) You Gotta Shoot ’Em in the Head

The real interesting character to talk to is Mister Crowley. Don’t insult his Ghoulness, as he’s rather touchy about it. Pick the dialogue option “Easy now. I’ve got nothing against Ghouls.” then pick “All true, except for the part about the mutants, the water, and the whore.” He’ll give you a list of Ghoul-hating bigots, people he wants you to kill with a head shot. He’ll give you 100 Caps for each one you kill with a head shot, and 25 Caps if you just kill them some other way. Agree and he’ll give you a Sniper Rifle, 5 3.08 Calibur Rounds and ask you to bring back

a Key from the victims, save Tenpenny. This starts the quest “You Gotta Shoot ’Em in the Head” .

9) Calling out Crowley

Before you go off on a killing rampage, however, go talk to Carol and ask about Crowley. Succeed at a Speech challenge and she’ll tell you about some fortune he’ll make when he finds a Wastelander to do his dirty work for him. Oh really? Go back and talk to Mister Crowley, who will admit that he doesn’t care about about killing anybody but Tenpenny, he just wants their keys. He’ll offer you an extra 100 Caps to seal the deal. Note you can also find out about Mister Crowley’s deception from Quinn, Tulip, Ahzrukhal, Wintrhop… just about every unique Ghoul in this place. Now head back into the Underworld Concourse and go south on the ground floor to find The Chop Shop.

10) Reviving Reilly

Talk to Doctor Barrows, whom you can get to heal you if you need it. You can also ask him about Mister Crowley. Investigate the woman named Reilly on the bed and Barrows will talk to you, and tell you that she’s going to be out a while. He’ll tell you about Reilly’s Rangers and give you the location to the Ranger Compound. If you succeed at a Speech challenge or you have a high enough Medicine skill you can get Reilly revived.

She’ll tell you that her Rangers were mapping Vernon Square when they got ambushed by Super Mutants, and were pressed into Our Lady of Hope Hospital and through there into the roof of the Statesman Hotel. She’ll ask you to go try and save her Rangers. Get her to offer you something for your efforts and she’ll offer to give you either a suit of Ranger Combat Armor or a unique Minigun, both of which are rather nice prizes. Agree to do it, it’ll be a while before we get around to it, but we might as well activate the quest while we’re already here. You’ll be given the map marker to the Statesman Hotel.

Keep talking and she’ll give you access to the Ranger Compound and give you a note telling you where Theo’s body is, one of the Rangers who was carrying an ammo box. All in all you’ll get a total of five notes from Reilly. Now head back into the Museum of History and go south-west to find the door to the Museum of History Lower Halls. While we’re here, we might as well collect the Lincoln Memorial picture for Caleb.

11) The Museum of History Lower Halls

Book - D.C. Journal of Internal Medicine

And… it’s crawling with Ghouls, what did we expect? In a room to the east you’ll find a safe [Average] with a Scoped .44 Magnum inside. South of the entrance will be a large cafeteria. Go through the door behind the eastern counter to find a D.C. Journal of Internal Medicine on a metal shelf. There’s also kitchen-y stuff to loot in here. Head east into a tunnel and explore to the south, taking care to spot and disable the bear traps laid around. By two Nuka-Cola Vending Machines you’ll find a Nuka-Cola Quantum in a wooden crate under a table. In the men’s bathroom on the western side of the room you can find some Rad-X in the back of one of the toilets. Return to the entrance and head upstairs to find a Turret Control Terminal [Average]. By now you know the drill. When the turret is neutralized go south into the larger room to find a door leading to the Museum of History Offices.

12) Museum of History Offices

This level calls for some real shotgun sneak attacking. It’s really not explorable until you smite the Ghouls that roam the halls. Head up the stairs. The lower level you’re now on is essentially hallways encircling a central room. From the door leading to the stairs take a right, head down a hallway to the west, and go through another door to the right to find a rubble-filled room. On the rubble you’ll find Lincoln’s Hat , the first of many Lincoln artifacts we’ll find. This neat little piece of attire gives a +1 bonus to Intelligence and a +5 bonuse to Speech … plus, it’s the height of mid-19th century fashion. Leave the room and head back down the hallway to the east, turning south when you run out of east. Go past a locked door [Very Hard]. Opposite the locked door is a room with an Eat’o’tronic 3000 and a Nuka-Cola Vending Machine. Go south a bit and go into a room to the left with a bunch of bookcases in it.

13) Action Abe!

There’s a hole in the wall to the north that allows you to get behind the locked [Very Hard] door without having to pick it, inside this would-be locked room you’ll find some ammo on the floor, a first aid box, a grenade box, and ammo box, and a gun locker. You’ll also find a terminal [Average] that messes with the turrets to the south and locks the doors to the south [Very Easy]. While not a problem to get through, you can pick locks, Ghouls, on the other hand, cannot. It’s a way to lure Ghouls into the turret room and have the friendly turrets blast the Ghouls to hell. There’s a locked safe [Average] in the corner, and best of all, on a desk is an Action Abe Action Figure .

14) John Wilkes Booth Wanted Poster

Head south through the locked [Very Easy] doors to find the room with the turret in it. By now it should be a Mark VII Turret, which as we know all too well are quite potent. Search a bookshelf in the south-western corner of the room to find a John Wilkes Booth Wanted Poster , which will certainly be worth something to someone, somewhere.

15) Lincoln Loot

Book - Chinese Army: Spec. Ops. Training Manual

Go up the stairs to find a hole in the wall to the north, and doors to the east and west. There are also two desks up here, one of which has the Lincoln Memorial Poster on the wall, and the other has a little device called Lincoln’s Voice . Go east and into the first room on the right to find an Antique Lincoln Coin Collection on a bookshelf. Now go into the room in the middle of the level to find a display case near the body of a dead Raider. Inside you will find the unique gun Lincoln’s Repeater . Grab it, and grab the Chinese Army: Spec. Ops. Training Manual on the desk nearby.

You can sell all this Lincoln stuff to Abraham Washington back in Rivet City, or to Leroy Walker and his slavers at the Lincoln Memorial… or you can just keep them around your house as keepsakes. You can either give the poster to Caleb back at the Temple of the Union or travel to the Lincoln Memorial and sell it to Leroy Walker… we’ll deal with it later, when we tackle the quest “Head of State” , after our current Bobblehead hunt is over

16) Strayer’s Key

Now it’s time to go get those keys for Mr. Crowley. Head over to Rivet City and look for Ted Strayer, who is typically in the Midship Deck in the common room. He’ll tell you that his dad travelled with Mr. Crowley, and that he was supposedly dead. Ask for the key and you’ll either have to make a [Toughness] check, a Speech check, or just pay him 25 Caps. You can, of course, always steal it from him or kill him as well

17) Dukov’s Place

Book - Pugilism Illustrated

Head over to Dukov’s Place, which is near the Tepid Sewer. We could have gone here much earlier in the game, but now we have an excuse to be here. Dukov is a… colorful character. He’ll reinforce Ted’s story by also saying that Mr. Crowley died when they were exploring Fort Constantine, and will even tell you where this Fort Constantine is if you succeed at a Speech challenge.

To get his key you can use Black Widow , succeed at a Speech challenge, or pay him 200 Caps, along with murder and larceny. In addition to the key, there are plenty of alcohol and drugs to steal, as a copy of Pugilism Illustrated and a Nuka-Cola Quantum on the shelf behind the bed upstairs. Talk to Cherry and find out that there’s trouble in paradise. Succeed at a Speech challenge and she’ll agree to go with you to Rivet City, a safe place where she can get away from Dukov. This’ll get you some good karma, if nothing else.

18) Another Raider Fort

Book - Duck and Cover!

Now that we’re done with Dukov’s head south along the river to find a Raider Fort. Inside of which you’ll find lots of food, drugs, and alcohol scattered around, as well as a copy of Duck and Cover! on table by bunk beds. There’s also an ammo box [Very Hard] behind a counter. Not sure why they put such a formidable lock on it, but… whatever.

19) Car Shelter

The next place we should visit is the Republic of Dave, way in the north-eastern corner of the map. This gives us a reason to explore further north than we’ve previously bothered, and the trip will net us two shiney new Bobbleheads. Head somewhere nearby… Relay Tower KX-B8-11 will do… and from there head north-west until you find a shelter made out of cars near a radioactive mud pit. Inside you’ll find some Nuka-Colas and a Nuka-Cola Quantum in a tub, and some locked ammo boxes [Average] buried in the mud.

20) Chaste Acres Dairy Farm

Book - Grognak the Barbarian

Book- Pugilism Illustrated

Continue north, north-east until you find Chaste Acres Dairy Farm, which is populated by Raiders… although you’ll often find Death Claws and other critters nearby, which may very well have killed the Raiders before you get here. On the second story of the barn you’ll find a copy of Grognak the Barbarian near a mutilated corpse. Enter the Silo and you’ll find a copy of Pugilism Illustrated near a lantern.

21) MDPL-16 Power Station

Head east until you find the MDPL-16 Power Station and enter the Power Substation. On a work bench you’ll find a Nuka-Cola Quantum, and on a desk you’ll find a locked safe [Average] with Caps, drugs, and a 10mm Pistol and ammo inside.

22) Republic of Dave

North, north-east of the MDPL-16 Power Station you’ll find the Republic of Dave. When you approach the gate an annoying kid named Flower will question you. Be nice and she’ll take you to meet ‘President Daddy’ over at the Republic of Dave Capitol Building.

Talk to Dave, who is a pompous blowhard who seems to think his wives and family somehow count as a foreign country. Succeed at a Speech challenge to impress him with your manners. Ask him about Mr. Crowley and he’ll tell the same story Ted and Dukov told. Ask him for the key and he’ll pretend the key is some treasure. Succeed at an easier Speech challenge to claim the key. Again, you can always steal it or kill Dave for it. Make sure to grab the Nuka-Cola Quantum in the room down stairs and loot the safe to get the unique Hunting Rifle ’Ol Painless .

23) Presidential Election

Since we’re here we might as well do all we can do. Ask Dave if anything is going on here and he’ll tell you about the election. He graciously made this land a Republic after seizing power from his tyranical father. He’ll offer to pay you some Caps if you go tell the adults to hurry up and vote to get this farce of an election over with. Go find Jessica, Rosie, Bob, and Shawna, the first two of which can be found in this very house. You’ll find out that this isn’t much of an election, as Dave is the only one running. Jessica is rather stupid, and she can’t be swayed, but if you succeed at a Speech challenge you can convince Rosie to run, for all it’s worth. Bob can be found outside, and he can be convinced to run for president too, aspiring despot he may be.

24) Museum of Dave

Bobblehead - Perception

Go to the Museum of Dave, where you can typically find Shawna during the day. She won’t run in the election, and she will only vote for Dave, but you can succeed at a Speech challenge to get her to buy “artifacts” of Dave you discovered out in the wilderness. Tell her to vote and loot the building. You’ll find various Chinese weapons, two Pre-War Books, and the Bobblehead - Perception .

25) Bushing the Elections

Head back into the house after getting the four able-bodied adults in the Republic of Dave to vote. Talk to Dave and tell him the votes are in and he’ll give you 25 Caps. Even if you got Bob and Rosie to run, it is still three votes for Dave, one for Bob, and one for Rosie. If you want Dave to lose, you’ll just have to “Bush” it. Follow him to the Ballot Box and when Dave opens it immediately loot it and grab the pro-Dave votes out, leaving either a vote for Bob or a vote for Rosie. If anybody but Dave wins, Dave will go off to form a new Republic of Dave in Old Olney. Unless he plans to rule from inside a Deathclaw’s belly, he is going to be disappointed with how things turn out.

Speaking of Old Olney, we could head west and explore it now, but since it’s right near Vault 92, let’s wait until we go get the Soil Stradivarious for Agatha. We’re here to get Bobbleheads, and to finish the quest “You Gotta Shoot ’Em in the Head” , so lets stay focused on that for now. Yes, the detour king, just said that without a hint of shame. Head west, south-west giving Old Olney a wide berth until you find Greener Pastures Disposal Site.

26) Greener Pastures Disposal Site

Bobblehead - Agility

A more misleading name for a toxic waste dump you’ll be hard pressed to find. Unless by ‘green’ they mean glowing toxic ooze green. This area is fairly spread out and has several things to find. First make your way to the Office, which is the recognizable structure that makes up the Greener Pastures Disposal Site. And it’s also a fine landmark for find the other areas of interest in this dump. In front of you you’ll find two desks, on top of the eastern one will be the Bobblehead - Agility . There’s also a locked safe [Average] and a hackable terminal [Average]. Grab the Nuka-Cola Quantum on the floor by the western desk and leave.

27) Books in the Dump

Book - Big Book of Science

Book - D.C. Journal of Internal Medicine

Head south-east until you find a truck. Search inside the bed to find a Big Book of Science lying on the floor. From this truck head north, north east until you find a Makeshift Shack. Inside will be a Wasteland Recluse, some minor loot (mostly drugs) and a D.C. Journal of Internal Medicine under the bunk. He obviously never bothered reading this book, or else he’d have been wise enough to live somewhere that wasn’t a radioactive hell-hole.

28) Recon Craft Theta

From the Makeshift Shack head due west until you pick up the Recon Craft Theta Beacon. Keep going west and you’ll find a house, and start catching some rads. A little ways west you’ll find a crashed UFO, and in a fashion mimicing the first Fallout, you’ll find a dead Alien, the Alien Blaster, and a bunch of Alien Power Cells. No potrait of Elvis though. Shame. Grab what you can and get out of the heat.

29) Dealing With Tenpenny

It’s time to pay Tenpenny a visit. Go to Tenpenny Tower and go up to the top to find Alistair, who is usually sitting around on his balcony. He’ll admit to hiring five mercenaries, including Mr. Crowley, to go scavenge Fort Constantine. If you threaten to kill him he’ll offer you double Crowley’s wage to let him live. Succeed at a Speech check for a clean 300 Caps, 200 of which you’ll be paid if you go back and kill Mr. Crowley. Or you can just kill Tenpenny, which is much less trouble (the residents of Tenpenny Tower don’t seem to care, unlike the Ghouls in Underworld), and less buggy…

30) Crowley’s Key

Return to Mister Crowley with the keys and with Tenpenny dead to get your reward. Nothing stops you from lying to Crowley about killing his targets and collecting the higher reward. Whatever you do, be sure to get those keys back from Mister Crowley after completing this quest! If you do not, you won’t be exploring the depths of Fort Constantine, and will miss out on a lot of good loot. Either kill him, or steal them back. You have been warned.

Now we’re done with “You Gotta Shoot ’Em in the Head” , and the next logical place to go is to Fort Constantine. And so we shall. But while we’re going up there, we might as well explore all of the north-west up until we reach Fort Constantine. We won’t get better incentive to do so, and we’ll pick up the Bobblehead - Endurance along the way. Make sure your Vault Dweller is well armed and armored, and head over to the Deathclaw Sanctuary we neglected to explore earlier.