When you arrive in Sector 6, Aeris will say - without a hint of irony - that they need to find Tifa, as “this place is scary in a lot of ways.” Ignore all the sights and sounds (and shops) for now and head east around a building and exit the screen to reach the outside of a rather seedy looking establishment. Here you’ll find Johnny, the outcast redhead from the Sector 7 Slums. Other, equally frustrated males mill outside the building. Talk to the fat man in the red shirt and ask about Tifa, and he’ll confirm that she’s having an “interview” with Don Corneo.

Backtrack to Wall Market and go north, exiting via the top of the screen. Continue through the next screen as well and enter a building to the north. Once there, head north again and talk to a man standing outside some doors, who is a little too excited to see Aeris. After a regroup and some discussion, Aeris will hit upon a plan; since Cloud doesn’t have the right, uh, parts, to get an interview with the Don, and since he’s being strangely over-protective right now, he’ll just have to fake it.

Cross-Dress for Success¶

Leave the mansion and head south until you find a shop surrounded by metallic debris. Head inside the shop and talk to the merchant near the door to see their wares, which includes new weapons for Aeris and Tifa, as well as a new piece of armor - the Mythril Armlet. Buy the new weapons, at least, and whatever bits of armor you can afford.

Weapon Shop

Continue south to the southern half of Wall Market and go into the first shop to the west and talk to the proprietor. Aeris will ask for a dress but of course, there’s a problem. It seems like you’ll have to get the owner off the sauce if you want a dress in a timely manner.

Leave the shop and head to another shop to the east, where the owner will ask to talk to Cloud, man to man. Hear him out and Aeris, quite miffed, will take off while the owner asks you a favor. It seems he’s having a little feud with another storekeeper in town, and he needs you to help him get the upper hand. Agree to help him out, then leave the store.

Enter another store to the south-east (just north-west of the Save Point nearby) and sit wherever you wish… or rather, in the only seat available. The chef here thinks he’s a comedian. Anyway, order any dish you wish and pay for your meal. When you’re done gobbling, respond by saying “It was all right” to get a “Pharmacy Coupon” .

Head to the next store to the south (not the one with the “ITEM” sign out front“ and talk to the proprietor, who will notice your coupon and offer you one of three items you can redeem with it: Disinfectant , Deodorant , and Digestive .

Here you’ll have to determine how you want things to play out. Simply put, the prettier, more alluring that you make Cloud look, the more likely he’ll be to entice Don Corneo. If not, he’ll pick one of the other girls there. Ultimately, it’s not a huge deal but it is more amusing than anything else. If you want to make Cloud the sexiest lady he can be, pick the Digestive . Talk to the owner again and check out his stock. Of interest, he sells Hypers, which will increase the rate at which a character’s Limit Bar fills. This is a good thing, although money might be a little too tight for such excesses right now. Speaking of that, be sure you have 210 Gil weighing your wallet down for the next part.

Item Shop

Make your way south to find the inn, which is south-west of the shop with the “ITEM” sign on top of it. Outside is a man who will pester you about buying a room if you get too close to him. Good idea. Head inside and talk to the woman behind the counter and pony up 10 Gil to rent a room. At night Cloud will sneak out and molest the mysterious vending machine. You’ll get three purchase options, separated by price. As you might expect, spending more Gil on the vending machine goodies will result in a better reward, namely a more alluring item to help Cloud’s cross-dressing adventure. Buy the one for 200 Gil, 100 Gil or 50 Gil, then return to the shopkeeper who gave you the job. Depending on what you bought, you’ll get a tiara of varying quality. What the hell? Is Cloud dressing up as a prom queen or something? Oh well…

Honey Bee Inn¶

Now head south to the area transition leading to the Honey Bee Inn - the seedy club where you learned about Tifa’s “interview” and talk to the indecisive man wandering around here. Now if you talk to him, he’ll have made up his mind about the fact that he just can’t make up his mind, and hand over his “Member’s Card” . Uh… thanks?

Return to the Honey Bee Inn and talk to the the man in the dark suit at the entrance, who, upon seeing your membership card, will clear the way for you. Cloud will make a disingenuous excuse for why he needs to head on inside, which Aeris doesn’t seem to buy for a second. With Cloud apparently out of the way, the creeps outside will congregate on Aeris. Maybe Cloud’s protective instincts outside the Don’s mansion weren’t misplaced, after all? Unfortunately, Cloud shows his true colors and abandons Aeris to ahem complete his disguise.

Cloud will enter the hexagonal interior of the “Inn” and will be bothered by a bee-girl. Head east to find “The Queen’s Room”, which you can spy on to see a rather strange, Satanic ritual going on. Seriously, the name Satan is dropped, so what else do you call it? Head north to find “The Lover’s Room”, where you can spy on a somewhat less freaky coupling. What old people call themselves Grandpa and Grandma in private?

Ignore the room opposite of the exit and focus on the two rooms to the west. The northern one is “The &$#% Room” and the southern is “The Group Room”. Pick whichever one you feel is more, er, appropriate, but the choice doesn’t really matter.

In “The &$#% Room”, Cloud will find a very familiar ghostly apparition. Talk to it and Cloud will freak out again, only to be rescued by a muscle-bound man named Mukki. Just don’t question what happened while Cloud was out. Cloud’s HP/MP will be fully restored, and if you talk to the bee-girl before you leave, you’ll get some “Lingerie” .

Alternatively, you can head to “The Group Room”. Talk to the bee-girl near a hot tub and she’ll bring in the rest of your companions, who, well, might not be quite what you expect. Endure an intimate (and hilariously homo-erotic) bath with Mukki and his pals and afterwards you’ll get some “Bikini Briefs” .

Leave whatever room you endured your meeting with Mukki in and go through the doorway opposite the exit to find the dressing room. Talk to the western-most bee-girl and you’ll be able to ask her to put some makeup on you, which will further your disguise. So will the undergarments, of course, somehow. One would imagine that the Don would have made his choice long before seeing any of that, and if it got to the point where “Lingerie” and “Bikini Briefs” were becoming visible, the gig would be up… right? One can only hope.

Finishing the Disguise¶

Exit the Honey Bee Inn and approach Aeris to scare off her mob of admirers. It seems Aeris did some good business while you’ve been gone, but despite the testimonies of the various creeps, you won’t see a single Gil of what she apparently earned by selling flowers. Where is she keeping those things, anyway?

Return to Wall Market and head to the second, northern area and make your way to the bar, which is west of the weapon shop, notable by seeing the green “IN” doormat. You’ll find the owner of the dress shop sitting on a bar stool near the entrance. Talk to him and Aeris will make a proposal that intrigues the dress shop owner. When he asks what kind of dress you want, you’ll get two chances to pick between two options: the first being something “That feels clean” or “That feels soft” and the second decision being between something “shiny” and something “that shimmers”. Depending on your choices you’ll get one of the following three dresses:

The Silk Dress is the “best” dress, in that it’s the one that will make Cloud appear the most alluring. Once that business is done, head over to the bathroom, near which a guy is desperately trying to ignore a call of nature. Open the door and give the poor lady inside the medicine you got from the item store by redeeming your “Pharmacy Coupon” . Depending on what you give her, she’ll give you some cologne in return:

The lady in the bathroom has cleared the way, and the poor guy outside answers the call. Even better, you have everything you need for your disguise, and a few silly trinkets besides. Cloud will be the prettiest prom queen, or perhaps fantasy princess, ever! Return to the clothing store and talk to the now-sober owner to get your dress. After observing the train-wreck that is Cloud in drag, Aeris decides the outfit is not yet complete - you need a wig. Fortunately, the proprietor knows where you might be able to get a wig; from “people like you” at the gym.

Leave the store and return to the northern part of Wall Market and enter the first building on the right, just opposite two people standing around complaining about all the metal junk lying around. Head inside and talk to the lady standing by the ring and after Aeris confirms they’re the ones who want to improve their stock of “cute”, it’ll be revealed you’ll have to earn it; by doing squats! Compared to everything else that’s gone into this endeavor, is squatting for a wig really that odd?

To perform a squat, you’ll need to press three buttons in a sequence. Don’t be afraid to practice before the big show, the goal isn’t speed, it’s accuracy. Don’t make mistakes, build up a rhythm, and keep going until the time runs out. Every time you make a mistake, you’ll pause for a moment, and waste time. Your opponent will make a few mistakes - as long as you don’t, you should win handily. The wig you get is based upon your performance.

After the competition, Big Bro will live up to his, err, her end of the bargain and give you your reward. Return to the dress shop and head into the dressing room to get into costume. The owner will make a statement which shows he doesn’t understand how markets work (although there seem to be an unusually high number of cross-dressers here), Aeris will tease Cloud, then pick out a dress for herself. No peeking! When she’s done, it’s time to pay the Don a visit.

Don Corneos Mansion¶

Talk to the guard out front and, upon seeing Aeris and her “hot friend”, he’ll eagerly let both of them in. Having a wispy frame and a weak jawline benefitted him greatly here. Can you imagine Barret trying to pull this off? Anyway, head inside and, after being told to wait, Aeris will naturally decide to do the exact opposite. Head up some stairs and enter the room to the west - the only one without a door blocking the way. Down some stairs you’ll find… well, what looks like a torture chamber, where Tifa is chilling. Why would they make anybody wait here?

Approach Tifa and Cloud’s resolve will falter. Aeris will pick up the slack and the two will talk a bit before Aeris outs Cloud. Aeris will leave the two childhood friends so they can talk it out in private (something she intentionally fails at), and Tifa will fill you in. Simply put, Don Corneo knows something, and she wants to find out what. The pervert apparently has his pick of the ladies here, and Aeris proposes that they rig the game so that he can’t help but pick one of the three of you. The two will walk off, set on this plan despite Cloud’s ineffectual protestations.

When you’re back in control grab the Ether to the west, then head upstairs. When Aeris and Tifa rejoin your party, re-equip them with the new armor and weapons you’ve obtained since you had a, er, falling out with Tifa. Be sure to make sure everybody has Restore and Fire Materia equipped. It’ll come in handy very soon. When you’re all good to go, head upstairs and go through the large, ornate double doors to reach the Don’s office. His debauchery doesn’t disappoint, in fact, he’s comically licentious. The “girls” line up and Don Corneo will examine them before making his pick, which is based upon how convincing Cloud’s disguise is. Without getting into any numbers, if you did poorly (mostly the worst items, you missed some things) he’ll pick Tifa. If you did well (mostly mid-grade gear, perhaps a few top items) he’ll pick Aeris. Finally, if you got all the best items, he’ll pick Cloud.

If Aeris or Tifa were chosen, Cloud will be given to Don’s subordinates to molest. When you’re in their room, they’ll walk towards you all zombie-like because that’s how romance happens apparently. Walk to the east and grab a loot bag to score a Phoenix Down , then talk to Scotch to get Cloud to shed his disguise, which unsurprisingly doesn’t amuse Don’s goons. Defeat two groups of Corneo’s Lackeys (three henchmen in the first battle, two Lackeys and Scotch in the second), then go down into the dungeon to watch the unchosen girl shake Kotch. If it was Aeris, saying “We gotta help Tifa!” will lower her disposition (Aeris -2), while saying “You all right?” will raise it (Aeris +3). On the other hand, if it’s Tifa, she’ll work the other way around. Is it a bug, or is Tifa just a less horrible person than Aeris? Your call. Head over to Corneo’s room to save the other girl from an unambiguous fate.

If Cloud was chosen, Cloud will be taken back to Corneo’s room, where you can play the tease and string him along for a bit. If you pretend you have a boyfriend (as a cover for your shyness) and name-drop Barret, Barret’s approval will increase, for some reason (Barret +5).

In either case, Don Corneo’s attempt at copulation will be thwarted, and after threatening Don Corneo’s man-bits, he’ll spill the beans. Before you leave, search behind Corneo’s bed to claim a Hyper , then join the girls by the door. Corneo will ask you a question, the answer to which is irrelevant (“Because I’m sure I’ll win” is the correct answer, for all the nothing it’s worth). After you answer, he’ll pull the rug out from under you. The oldest trick in the book…